This is the authentic voice of an old woman who hopes she has learned some things to share. It is about transformation. It is becoming our true selves. It is finally about returning to Oneness. It is also about writing and recovery.
HERE'S A SHORT CUT TO A EPIPHANY
I was inspired by today's post,"Within Us" on Deanne Fry's blog,SOME DAYS OR NOW (Click for link just below title of this post) and it reminded me of a very good Oneness journaling exercise. Faithful readers know how I value journaling exercises. You not only save hours and hours in the uncomfortable therapist's chair, you save paying his or her fees and you gain the kind of intuitive insights and epiphanies that your therapist couldn't possibly lead you to in a few hours as journaling can. See what insights come forth from your inner wisdom by taking the suggested time and completing the following statements. Don't censor or criticize your responses. Let your answers flow from your heart which doesn't lie.
Take 20 to 30 minutes to complete the following statements. Write quickly, tapping into your stream of consciousness; don’t stop or edit your words. Spend approximately two to three minutes on each statement.
• I am being invited to heal . . .
• I am being invited to forgive . . .
• I am being invited to surrender . . .
• I am being invited to become . . .
• I am being invited to express . . .
• I am being invited to create . . .
• I am being invited to expand . . .
Trust what you receive and what you know. Have faith in the guidance that’s coming to you. Dive in, and keep it simple and clear. Cut through complexity and confusion, and discover your holy curriculum of Oneness.
Affirmations
I AM a disciple of the school of Oneness, embracing my holy curriculum.
I AM engaging Life as my teacher.
My turn to share:
1. I am being invited to heal my relationship with my 20-year-old son who was estranged from me these past few months and said he hated me and that I was the worst mother in the world. Of course I took to my bed with depression and agreed that I was probably quite hate-worthy and the worst mother in the world for sure. But why now? Why so soon after he had just told me that I was his main supporter and confidant and that he could really talk to me when he felt like he had no one?
Now he has dropped from the sky to live with me for the first time in 13 years. We tell each other daily that we love each other. We kiss, hug and say "Good night. Sweet Dreams," just like when I used to put him to bed so many years ago. He cleans and scrubs my house, buys me food, is considerate and kind and talks to me as if I am a real person and not just a parent. We are healing and we are bonding. I thank God for this second chance.
2. I am being invited to forgive my son who threw cold water on me and screamed for me to get out when I saw him the time before he came over now to ask to move in. He still is somewhat volatile and can lose his temper easily. He's 20 and he's finding himself. He doesn't know his purpose in life yet, and lacks direction and guidance. I find forgiving him easier each day. He ends up apologizing and really is sorry when he goes off on me these days, and I am ready to forgive and forget again. Practice makes it easier each time.
3. I am being invited to surrender my will and my funky, ego's grandiose plans for a writing expert's platform, the right branding, a well-designed logo, a good promotion and marketing firm, best-sellers and appearances on David Letterman to hawk my new book (as yet unwritten) in favor of a life's purpose of answering the call of love to serve others who suffer as I have suffered with the stumbling blocks of diseases and conditions such as alcoholism, drug addiction, adult A.D.D., bipolar disorder and depression. I am 61 years old and about to go back to grad school to become a wellness counselor. I have direction. I have my soul's mission. I give up my plastic, image-based, egoic selfish, self-centered fantasies glady. Let me get myself out of the way and watch as God works out the details in Her own perfect way. I do surrender.
4. I am invited to become fully human, fully alive, and a multi-sensory human being capable of interpreting my life's purpose and soul's mission and message of service far beyond the limitation of my five senses. I have my intuition, prayer, meditation, the Holy Spirit, Angels, Saints, deceased loved ones, other teachers and guides in the spiritual realm, people on this plane of existence who are put in my life to point the way, books that I open at just the perfect time, synchronicities, signs, miracles, mandalas, symbols, magic and so much more.
A woman is calling me next Monday night to interview me for a Elder Wilderness Quest Scholarship for a one-week passage with women from around the world over 50 who want to mark the next stage of their lives with rites of passage and celebration in the high mountains of California. I am being called to become one with nature, the Divine, and with sisters to share it with as we tell stories, drum, create new rituals, fast, and hike. If I get it, and I trust I will because it feels right, I will mark my right of rite of passage into the next journey of my new life of service and well-developed knowledge of my life's purpose with the sacred. I am becoming at 61.
5. I am being invited to express my thoughts and feelings every time I write a post for this blog, and now as I have the great fortune of working on writing my NaNovWriMo novel to be completed in 30 days. I lose myself in it. I express so many different parts of myself through my characters. One minute I'm a 36-year-old life coach from a small town in California and the next a 61-year-old male bereavement counselor with a M.S.W. who works at a hospice and isn't allowed to discuss his days at home because his wife finds it all too depressing. And to think I could write the odd haiku anytime at all as well... It's a rich life!
6. I am being invited to create a totally new life. With a newly discovered life's purpose and direction in life, a new career path and educational plans in a whole new direction for me, I am trying on lifestyles like I am trying on hats at Neiman Marcus. I recently joined Toastmasters to see what it would be like to learn how to speak well publicly. I set up a self-help support group for people who have adult attention deficit disorder and I am getting it done and learning as I go. I may set up one for bipolar disorder soon too. I think I am going to try my hand at watercolors because I want to pain a series of mandalas. I can't seem to read novels any more which I used to ingest like Tic-Tacs at a rate of several per week. I now am only drawn to non-fiction books with information I can use, and inspirational and spiritual books. I am finding how good a novelist I might become if I try. I am creating a home for a son who hasn't been with me since he was seven-years-old. I am creating a new, more authentic, freer me.
7. Each days I am invited to expand more. New ideas, inspirations, suggestions, and opportunities come to me and I am not afraid of adventure and taking risks. More people fear public speaking than fear dying, and I have already got up before my Toastmasters club and given a short speech and won a first place ribbon for it. I never thought I could write one novel, now I am working on the second. I never imagined in all my years of solitude of making room for another in my life, but I am expanding. I am larger and more giving and loving than I knew. You have to use a muscle to know that you have it. If I were still a secretary in a soul-killing, death by boredom desk job dreaming of one day writing but afraid to write the first sentence I never would have expanded to write as much or professionally as I do today. If I had never taken the risk of pledging my life with a man's for love, which did not last forever, I would not have the two beautiful souls that have been entrusted to my care and bring my heart such joy and fulfillment. I grow and expand as I reach and stretch. I can achieve what the mind can conceive, as the motivational speaker says. Anything is possible with God I say.
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